Jun 4, 2011

Pet Peeves: Thanks To Peru

If you don't know me, let me tell you something; I have a lot of pet peeves. Pet peeves that make me grind my teeth, and occasionally lash out. Since living in Peru for a month I may have added more to my collection. ("May" being an understatement.) I feel like I need to compile a list of these goodies, for your entertainment, I guess. Lets start:

1) Being able to physically hear people drink water. If I can hear the water gushing down your throat I believe you have a problem. Waking up every morning to your, "I'm drowning, HELP!! -- never mind, I'm just thirsty", technique of drinking water is revolting, and unappreciated. Please learn from your mistakes, or else I'll switch your drinking water with tap water. Parasite? Whoops.

2) Ladies that ask me every two steps if I want a "massaje" or massage. No, if I wanted a massage, or should I say scrotum grab, from an overweight lady I would come up to your face and ask. When I say no, do not then ask me, "Maybe later?". Stop being so desperate to touch my naked body; even though I know it's a privilege for you.

3) Dry weekend. Because of the elections all of the clubs are closed, and places have stopped serving alcohol. Yes, I know it's just one weekend, but instead of being forced to blog out of boredom, I would like to be belligerently drunk right now. Call me an alcoholic.

4) Having to wait 6 years between meals in our house. My food baby does not like going so long without food, and I have to live with the consequences of him screaming, and kicking during these 6 years. Ouch.

5) When I walk the streets, and men ask me to eat in their restaurant. If I tell you no, there's no need to proceed to ask if I would like some grass or charlie. Charlie is coke. I didn't know restaurants here served such drugs with food. But good to know. Oh P.S.- man who ran passed me acknowledging me like my name was Charlie, the answer is still no.

6) Lucy. We have an on-going war about my gringo pants, especially the lime green ones. No, they shouldn't be locked in your room and held up for ransom for one cigarette. Also, they shouldn't be thrown up on the umbrella in our courtyard, in the middle of the night. I will get you. I just haven't thought how yet.

7) Taxis. You don't have to beep at me 600 times just to ride in you. If I need a taxi, I will hail you down. Don't make me throw rocks at your windshield as you beep your horn at me. I'd rather not go to a Peruvian jail, thanks.

8) Random sellers on the street. You don't need to tell me I look cold, and that I need to buy your socks, mittens, hats, and or sweaters. I'm fine. People selling sunglasses, do you not see the sunglasses already on my face? Don't even get me started about people selling paintings. Because let me tell you, the next person who asks me, I'm going to start a bonfire... Staring such paintings you're trying to sell me. That's why I don't need your clothing, I'll already be warm.

9) Rosemary.

10) I'll leave number 10 blank, I feel like everyone who reads this will think I hate Peru. This is not the case. I just hate some of it's inhabitants. A lot.. =)

Jun 1, 2011

Peru Wants To Kill Me

Oh wow, I haven't posted in ages. I think it may have been due to me slightly dying for a period of time. The drugs finally killed parababy for good, and then I think I had strep-throat for a bit as well. But a couple of days ago a few of us decided to go see Taco Lady. I had to tag along because I've heard so many people in the house having mild orgasms about her tacos. 5 soles, and a couple hours later I was having very different orgasms. Orgasms in the form of vomit and diarrhea. Pleasant, right? The entire next day I did not leave my room until 7pm. I was very drugged up, and had really weird dreams about getting married, and ditching Peru to take an English class in London. But today I feel almost 100% better.

What else is going on? Well the group of friends I made when I first got here all have left. All 8 of them. La Florida is a lot different now. We have a platoon of new volunteers who are all pretty cool, but it's still not the same. It's a lot quieter now. I feel like I have to be twice as obnoxious just to make it seem the same.

A lot is happening in Peru right now. The election is coming up in the next week, and I've been told there's going to be a lot of riots everywhere. Apparently there were some riots in Puno and they burnt down a government building. Just yesterday all the taxis were on strike here in Cuzco. AND this weekend is supposed to be a dry weekend in the clubs. I'm not too impressed with this such news. My liver is screaming profanities. I've also heard that if one of the runners is elected that LAN airlines will vacate the country. Meaning all the volunteers will have to leave early. Hopefully this is not the case.

What am I doing for adventures soon? Next week I'll be going to the Amazon jungle to help with the jungle conservation. Meaning, I'll be fighting off bugs for the life of me. Playing with monkeys that stay in the house. Showering in a waterfall everyday. Also going to bed at 7pm because there's no electricity. I'll also be going sand boarding sometime soon. Sand boarding sand dunes that eventually take you to an oasis city. Why does this sound like it's straight out of a movie? I'm stoked.


I don't know what else to tell you. So here's some pictures of my recent activities.

Picture 1: This is what happens when you come to Peru, it vomits all over you.
Picture 2: This is the taco that killed me.
Picture 3: Fuck Shit Up
Picture 4: The kids at my new placement.
Picture 5: Balloons?
Picture 6: Hairless dog in the restaurant we were eating at. Lost appetite? YUP.