Jun 4, 2011

Pet Peeves: Thanks To Peru

If you don't know me, let me tell you something; I have a lot of pet peeves. Pet peeves that make me grind my teeth, and occasionally lash out. Since living in Peru for a month I may have added more to my collection. ("May" being an understatement.) I feel like I need to compile a list of these goodies, for your entertainment, I guess. Lets start:

1) Being able to physically hear people drink water. If I can hear the water gushing down your throat I believe you have a problem. Waking up every morning to your, "I'm drowning, HELP!! -- never mind, I'm just thirsty", technique of drinking water is revolting, and unappreciated. Please learn from your mistakes, or else I'll switch your drinking water with tap water. Parasite? Whoops.

2) Ladies that ask me every two steps if I want a "massaje" or massage. No, if I wanted a massage, or should I say scrotum grab, from an overweight lady I would come up to your face and ask. When I say no, do not then ask me, "Maybe later?". Stop being so desperate to touch my naked body; even though I know it's a privilege for you.

3) Dry weekend. Because of the elections all of the clubs are closed, and places have stopped serving alcohol. Yes, I know it's just one weekend, but instead of being forced to blog out of boredom, I would like to be belligerently drunk right now. Call me an alcoholic.

4) Having to wait 6 years between meals in our house. My food baby does not like going so long without food, and I have to live with the consequences of him screaming, and kicking during these 6 years. Ouch.

5) When I walk the streets, and men ask me to eat in their restaurant. If I tell you no, there's no need to proceed to ask if I would like some grass or charlie. Charlie is coke. I didn't know restaurants here served such drugs with food. But good to know. Oh P.S.- man who ran passed me acknowledging me like my name was Charlie, the answer is still no.

6) Lucy. We have an on-going war about my gringo pants, especially the lime green ones. No, they shouldn't be locked in your room and held up for ransom for one cigarette. Also, they shouldn't be thrown up on the umbrella in our courtyard, in the middle of the night. I will get you. I just haven't thought how yet.

7) Taxis. You don't have to beep at me 600 times just to ride in you. If I need a taxi, I will hail you down. Don't make me throw rocks at your windshield as you beep your horn at me. I'd rather not go to a Peruvian jail, thanks.

8) Random sellers on the street. You don't need to tell me I look cold, and that I need to buy your socks, mittens, hats, and or sweaters. I'm fine. People selling sunglasses, do you not see the sunglasses already on my face? Don't even get me started about people selling paintings. Because let me tell you, the next person who asks me, I'm going to start a bonfire... Staring such paintings you're trying to sell me. That's why I don't need your clothing, I'll already be warm.

9) Rosemary.

10) I'll leave number 10 blank, I feel like everyone who reads this will think I hate Peru. This is not the case. I just hate some of it's inhabitants. A lot.. =)


  1. The ransom demand on those abominable trousers has just tripled. You better sleep with the light on...

  2. This is hilarious. Mostly number nine (my personal favorite, of course). Sorry the clubs were closed; I'm sure you still managed to have some sort of fun. Send Parababy some love from me. Also, you're so Canadian (just saw one of the labels & you spelled color "colour" cuuuute).

  3. very enjoyable reading as always Taylor. ur so funny. dont they have liquor stores so u can buy a bottle before the election week? sounds like u will need a few to kick back. keep us posted lol

  4. ohh my!! this is the funniest thing i have read in so long!!
    i had a like 90 year old lady GRAB my arm and say... you want a massaajjee?
    NO!.. why noooottttt?
    haha i so so so no what you are talking about.. transport transport you need transport! lookee lookee in my store lady!
    its nice to be home and have so much quietness around me!
    im glad all that aside you are having a good time!
    ...im waiting for a new post!!
    i wish it was election day again so that we get more taylor!